New header made by karins04. So I am now posting the Jack/Ennis one-parter I wrote for Trish. Enjoy.</span>

Title: All My Fault<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

Summary:  “It’s all my fault.”

Rating: R/NC-17

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything.

“I still think we should do it Ennis.  We could go into business together, own our own ranch; it would be a sweet life, a sweet life.”

“No Jack we can’t.  Two guys livin together just doesn’t work, people don’t accept it.” I tell him as he tries once again to convince me that his idea is good and that it can work for us.

“Why do you care what other people think?  What does it matter if people care that we love each other?” He pauses for a second and then frames my face gently rubbing his thumbs over my cheeks, “It doesn’t matter who you love its how you love.  God Ennis it could be like this all the time, every moment of every day . . . always.  Don’t you want that?” He whispers softly and I shake my head slightly but not saying no completely as I lean forward and press my lips to his gently.

“Just don’t think about that right now.” I mutter quietly and then press my lips forcefully against his and he responds immediately as we fight for dominance in our heated kiss.  He slides his hands up over my chest and then threads his fingers through my hair pulling me closer.

“Clothes off now.” He growls lowly at me as he is already half undressed himself.  He gets like this sometimes, let his passion take over him.

We lay down next to each other naked on the grass with not a care in the world as he slowly runs a fingernail from the hollow of my throat, along my breastbone and across my flat stomach. He pauses briefly at the depression of my naval before tracing through the line of hair that lead down to my groin. My whole abdomen tensed slightly as his nail drifted lightly over my cock, and he let his thumb briefly graze against my head before pulling away. I flexed my hips up, attempting to follow the now absent hand.

“Jack.” I moan out as he teases me and then I lean up to kiss him softly.  My tongue flicks out, sweeping across Jack’s lower lip before gently taking it between my teeth.

Jack pressed down hard against my mouth, his own tongue invading the space which is now familiar. There is no other contact between us, except for the pressure of our lips and the touch of our tongues as they moved together. He turned slightly, gaining better access to the hot mouth and knowing exactly what he wanted.

“Jack I want you to fuck me.”

“Patience Ennis.” He murmurs quietly.

My cock jutted proudly from a nest of blonde curls, welcoming jack. He slipped his body down and knelt on his knees in front of me. Jack reached out and traced the path of one affected vein with his finger tip as his touch, which made me squeeze my eyes shut. Jack toyed with the edge and ran a gentle finger over the head of my cock. A lustrous droplet appeared at the top, while Jack leaned over and lapped up the drop. I’m sure Jack could hear my breath coming in short, agitated gasps. As Jack surrounded me with his mouth, I’m positive he heard me cry his name.

“Oh God ----- Jack ----- that feels ---- so ---- ahhh . . .”

He sucked harshly, stretching his lips to accommodate me.

Jack’s hand trails teasingly up my leg to reach his final destination.  He squeezes and massages my balls as I fist my hands in Jack’s hair as I thrusts up to meet his mouth one final time.

I close my eyes as my shaft shudders against Jack’s tongue and his mouth was abruptly full of warm cream and he swallowed it all down.  I lay back against the ground as Jack sucks me dry collecting every last bit of come.   Jack then crawls up the bed to lie next to me breathing heavily.

“Are you ready for more?” He asks and I nod my head incapable of speech.

All of a sudden I was aware of pressure on my thighs, pushing them apart, and fingers slick with fluids pressing into him, filling me. I lifted my knees, spreading myself open before my lover. No worries, no fears, just a trust which had kept us alive even when we had worried about people finding out about us.

As Jack removed his fingers, I reached for him, pulling Jack close as his cock entered me, pleasure and pain mingling in that first thrust as Jack pushed against the tightness of my body. Once past that initial resistance, Jack pushed deeper, until he was completely sheathed inside of me.

We groaned together, from the sensation of complete fullness. Jack didn't move for a moment and we both lay very still, holding each other deeply in a shared embrace.

"What happens when what we have here isn’t enough?" Jack asked as he ran a hand over my face, wanting to remember every inch of it. He pulled almost completely out before thrusting with slow care back in again, the tightness almost overwhelming.

"Don't talk about that, Jack. Just make love to me now." I bore down, my muscles tightening further around Jack as he began to thrust deeper and deeper. I knew Jack wouldn't last long, and when he came, I held him as tightly as possible, wanting to keep him inside of me.

Jack collapsed on me afterwards and just laid there for a few moments as he caught his breath before he rolled off to the side  and through an arm over my stomach and rested his head on my chest.

We laid like that for what seemed like hours just basking in the comfort.  I looked down to see Jack’s eyes slowly dropping down as he tried to stay awake but just couldn’t.  I smile softly as I watch him and place a gentle kiss to his forehead.

“Sleep Jack, we will talk in the morning.” I tell him firmly and he barely nods his head before he enters the blissful world of dreams.

It ends up like this most nights, Jack is always the first person to fall asleep and he leaves me to the dangerous thoughts running through my mind.  The thoughts of what could be and what I am going to tell Jack when he suggests again that we live together.

I think about it and I imagine what it would be like without prejudice, without anyone saying that we are doing something wrong, that what we are doing is right and that it’s ok for a man to love another man because that’s what Jack and I have, love.

But then morning will come after I have fallen asleep during the night, after I have thought seriously bout Jack’s idea and seriously think that maybe just maybe we could do it, we could get away with it and be happy but when morning comes my mind is firm and I know that the life I dream of just wouldn’t work and I tell him once again that we just cant do it.

~**~

I sit up in bed and look around me and notice that I’m not with Jack; I’m not up at Brokeback or anywhere else I’m at my home . . . by myself and Jack isn’t here anymore, not with me, not with his wife, not anywhere.  He’s gone . . . forever.

It’s that moment when I admit to myself that I lost him that I start to feel the tears stream down my face and they may have been there for a while but I only feel them just now.  But instead of wiping away angrily like I normally would I just let them fall because I miss him and I want him.

It’s this point every night when I wake up from the same dream that I regret every time I said no to Jack, every time I refused him the chance to have a life with me with our ranch.

It’s this point every night when I think maybe . . . maybe if I had just said yes, yes lets do it then maybe he would still be here and instead of waking up to an empty space I would have gotten the chance to wake up to a beautiful man, a man I loved.

Then I realise that that is never going to happen and I sigh and whisper, “It’s all my fault.”

~**~